Do you, like me, speak to yourself and sometimes even aloud? In the context of social isolation associated with Co-Vid, one might think that this is undoubtedly a way of feeling less alone, but not necessarily …
I must say that I speak to myself, always, every day and even maybe several times a day … whether in my professional life or even in my private life …
In fact, I never stopped… as I get older I just pay attention to one thing, not to talk to myself out loud when I’m around people I don’t know much… just to save myself sideways glances. !
If at one time you could be seen as mentally ill, that is no longer the case. The terminology of self-directed speech or self-talk is even used. And that would have certain virtues… rather reassuring to be able to say to oneself “I make the conversation, but no I’m not crazy”.
Talking to myself helps me focus, stay focused on what I’m doing. I manage to understand situations and contexts more quickly, and then to better consider and plan the actions to be implemented to move forward or solve a problem.
In fact, it really helps me to reflect, to structure my thinking, to analyze and to progress.
In a lighter way, I can also give myself courage with a: “Come on, go” as if I had to do a bungee jump or congratulate myself by saying things like : “You did well” and sometimes even a “You’re great! ».
This is on the bright side, but there is, of course, the other side.
I can also be less nice to myself by saying to myself: “You shouldn’t have” “It’s completely silly what you did or what you said” , ” You are stupid »,… and when I am really in these negative speeches, I resort to Paulette…
Paulette was the first name of an acquaintance of my parents. When I must have been around ten years old, I heard her say to my mother “I pity you with your 3 daughters, children are just pain”. Since that day- there, I really did not like Paulette! And then I realized that she was always but really always in the criticism.
So I called Paulette, that’s the name I gave to this other one who criticizes me, and I say to myself: “It’s still a blow from Paulette” and of course, like I talk to myself, I say to myself / her “Stop Paulette, that’s enough, there’s no point in always being in the negative!” “
When Paulette continues, I ask her to say things differently, for example instead of saying “You should have done…. “, I suggest to him to ” You did as you could “.
Sometimes, I even push Paulette to go to the height of criticism and then really put it back in place “Paulette is exaggerating you as usual, it’s totally disproportionate what you say and it’s not that serious after all ! “. This makes me realize that by being “polarized” by this reproach or this negative reflection, I give it a place that is out of all proportion to reality.
Paulette is of great help to me because maybe you noticed it, we are often our worst judge and what we say to ourselves, we might not really say it to someone else …
If you haven’t already, find your Paulette, a person who has existed or who exists, a character from a movie or comic book, or make it up. You will see that it will help you progress and have better self-esteem!
In some contexts it is, however, difficult to help but blame yourself for what you might have, should have or dared to do or say. We blame each other terribly, and we start to rehash, we work in a loop and we get stuck on situations or thoughts….
To be able to move forward, it is often enough to dare to say what one keeps deep inside.
In very significant cases, we can find it very useful to express what becomes heavy, even if it means waiting a while, several weeks, several months or even several years, to transmit it to the person concerned when it is more understood, more accepted. or more forgivable.
When we are in recurring and deleterious negative self-talk, we can also call on professionals: coach, psychologist who will work on self-esteem.