Everyone knows the expression “dialogue of the deaf”, and there is nothing more annoying than realizing that one is speaking in a vacuum and that the other is not listening, especially when we have to say something important…
C ow to be heard?
Perhaps you have heard of NLP for neurolinguistic programming or NVC for non-violent communication… it requires a certain mastery not only in the practice of these techniques but also a certain ability to analyze one’s emotions and to control oneself.
I will not introduce you here to NLP or NVC for which, if you are interested, you will find plenty of information in the many articles, books or websites dedicated to it and which I invite you, moreover, to to consult!
Comme chacun sait, il n’y a pas pire sourd que celui qui ne veut not hear … but there are a few tips that I share with you …
Forget about the “we must talk”, always said in a peremptory way and which places the other in the position of a small child. It totally unbalances the exchange.
Besides, if someone says this to you in a bossy tone, don’t tell me you’re thinking “that’s great, we’re going to talk to each other.”
Isn’t it “What the hell has he got to tell me” or “This is (again) going to be my birthday”?
And I’m sure there are even situations where you’re like, ‘I’m going to let him empty his bag and it’ll be better afterwards’ and you don’t really listen to what you’re told.
Well, it’s the same with others … so banish that expression.
In fact, “We have to talk” is totally counterproductive to open a dialogue.
Moreover, when it is the obvious sign of the lack of space to exchange…. And this is definitely the first thing to put in place …
Why not go without telephones and television during meals and take advantage of these moments to really share …
When you’re with your family, why not schedule a couple ritual: drink the coffee, the herbal tea at the end of the meal that the two of us together, or go for a walk the dog together, etc … and also, give each of the children the privileged moment where he will be the center of attention.
If the other is closed, a barrier has been set up, and laughter is a barrier remover and, a priori,
this is a great way to play down a situation that seems to be stuck, to overcome certain tensions.
Humor is not given to everyone, it’s true …
You can, however, use it to start the dialogue by telling a funny thing or the last good joke you heard. Then you just “have to” take advantage of the other person’s listening to start the conversation.
SIf you want to be heard, you also need to know how to use your voice well, because it is so important.
Have you noticed that if we are angry or stressed, we tend to speak faster, louder and, the icing on the cake, for us women, we go up in the treble … in short, everything is there so that the another “close the hatches”!
In parenthesis, rest assured Ladies, as we get older our voice becomes more serious and the voice of these gentlemen becomes more acute, and over time, there is less difference in tone….
While you will be more listened to if you speak calmly, clearly and modulating your voice to mark the passages that are important to you.
And read the fourth tip to be even more convinced of the importance of your voice.
Approaching the other as yourself, that is to say by really considering him as an equal, allows one to adopt an attitude that contributes greatly to non-verbal communication.
According to Albert Mehrabian, a Californian researcher in psychology, when we communicate on feelings or states of mind, face to face, the perception by the other of what is said, depends for 7% on what is said (the words), 38% of the way it is said (sound and intonation of voice) and 55% of body language (posture, facial expressions).
It’s crazy !
So no need to want to swallow snakes to the other…. because if we are not in the truth and sincere with ourselves, our voice and our body will betray us … the other will feel uneasy and will be less listening …
And finally, all these tips are useless, if you do not take into account the 5 tip …
Choose the best time to be heard!
Saying things between two doors or when the other is polarized by his favorite TV show… is sure not to be heard…; and speaking to a person who does not have the same references, the same representations, the same knowledge of the subject as you, is like speaking Basque to a Chinese….
This best time is when the other is available and also when they can understand you.